Struck.

What do these four ladies have in common? Awesome hairstyles and striking beauty!

Red hair?

The first picture is a wee bit grainy since I took it on my laptop's webcam, but I'm trying to decide.... Should I become a red head? I've been a blonde all my life and I'm in the mood for a change. I'm wearing an auburn wig in the pictures and I'd most likely go more strawberry/flaming red, but I'm not sure yet. Tell me what you think, please!

If It Rains, Keep Dancing.

Young at heart. <3

Kobo Review

After much uncertainty, I officially broke down and joined the eReading craze. I compared, contrasted, and took a good honest look at what I wanted out of an eReader and decided on a Kobo, which is the Border's bookstore version. Here's what I think of it.



Pros:
- Lightweight
- Simple and easy to use, with just a few self-explanatory buttons
- Pre-loaded with 100 free books that you can start reading immediately
- A battery life that claims to last up to 2 weeks with 8,000 page turns. I've only had mine for 3 days so far and only had to charge it when I first bought it, so that's a good sign.
- Has room for 1,000 books. If that's not enough, there is a memory card slot where you can use an SD memory card up to 4GB.
- You can sync the books you have stored on your Kobo with your computer, iTouch, BlackBerry, and iPhone - thus reading your books wherever you go!

Cons:
- The battery is embedded in the eReader, meaning it can't be changed when it dies. The battery is rechargeable, naturally, and it is said to have 20% of its life potential after 5 years - therefore the battery will last 1/5th as long as it did when it was first purchased. Whether or not that's good or bad depends on how long you plan on using your Kobo.

- It doesn't have quite the same feel as reading a book. This is a no brainer, considering it's an eReader, but I find it more difficult to get into the story on this as oppose to in a regular paper book.

- It doesn't come with WiFi. If you want to purchase and download a book, you have to connect the Kobo to your computer with the USB cord it comes with, or use Bluetooth. This can be annoying if you're not near your computer and want to download a book.

Bottom Line:
If you're just looking for simple, down and dirty reading, the Kobo is a good choice. It doesn't come with any additional fancy shmancy features, like a built-in dictionary, highlighter, or word processor the way some of the other eReaders out there do. But I bought it because I wanted to bring my books along with me without dealing with the unnecessary extra weight. I would recommend the Kobo to people who travel, commute regularly, or simply enjoy reading and want to free up some space in their home or bag.

One Flower, Two Perspectives

Manic!


Depressive.

Why I Love Summer

Things I Love About Summer

- I can catch up on my reading, since I only get to read during my commute while I'm in school.
- No freaking out over assignments I put off until the last minute.
- No deadlines.
- I don't have to carry a bag that weighs more than I do.
- My main priority is having fun.
- People generally seem happier during the summer
- Those cute little cartoons of a smiling sun posted on signs and things.
- Light clothing! Farewell winter jackets.
- A true sensation of freedom coarsing through my veins, without feeling like there's something I absolutely have to do.
- Beach, bikini and ice cream!
- I get to hang out with my friends a LOT more!

Unexpected Beauty.

Driving at sunset. We had set out with the intention of going for dinner, Kevin and I, but WOAH DADDY we stumbled upon a grassy park with this beautiful view instead. I nearly ripped the steering wheel out of his hands and screeched the car into a parking spot myself. But it was like he read my mind because before I knew it, we were out of the car, climbing over the gate, and strolling across the park to the waterfront. My days are packed with going to school and work in the city, so it was refreshing to have a mini-getaway in such a wonderful oasis. And I couldn't have asked for better company. This is definitely a spot I'll be visiting again.

2 a.m. Portrait

You know how the way we view ourselves is sometimes different from the way other people see us? This is how I saw myself at 2 in the morning, when my mind was clouded with exhaustion and frustration. Aren't I quite the looker?

Lorraine.

there was once a bum on the train
whose name was Lorraine
he hobbled between cars
and fell to the tracks
sprained his spine
lied there still till the train roared by
then got back up and trailed behind
his body ached and he knew that
walking between cars was a mistake
but he wasn't about to stay put
in the dank tunnel with the rats
underground
and so he continued on
didn't know where he was going
or how he was getting there,
just as long as he was going somewhere.

My Addiction

Ok, I admit it. I have an addiction. And that is that I am addicted to collecting notebooks. It's reached a point of rediculousness for how many notebooks I have. I'm not even sure if rediculousness is a word, but it exists in my world. And my world is the master of all kingdoms, therefore rediculousness is a word. But back to where I was going with this...

I don't even know why the hell I bought some of the notebooks I have. Honestly, why did I ever think I'd need a wallet-sized navy blue notebook with no more than 50 pages in it? That thing wouldn't last me one freaking day before it would be filled up...that is, if I ever used the damn thing. There it has sat, unmarked, in my desk for God knows how long already. And I'm sure it'll continue to sit, unmarked, for years to come, unless I choose to use it as a stocking stuffer this Christmas. (Friends, don't be surprised if you see a little navy blue notebook with 50 pages popping up at your doorstep this December.) But seeing as I'm strangely attached to my paper products, I'm sure it'll remain intact, collecting dust as always.

One thing that a lifetime of collecting paper has taught me is all of the fun things notebooks can be used for. Here are some of the things I've used my notebooks for:
- Travel log
- Diary (naturally)
- To do lists/goals
- Colorful paper airplanes (Deville Airlines, welcome aboard this aircrap. Please make yourselves uncomfortable. There will be no food, no movies, no bathroom breaks, no salty little nuts in the shiny packages, no music, no blinking, no good looking sterwardesses, no airconditioning, and definitely no sleeping pills to make the time go faster...oh, and this flight will be 12 hours long. We won't be leaving the runway either. We'll just be sitting in one spot for 12 hours thinking of all the places we'd rather be.)
- Things to do before I die
- A biography of a character I made up in my head
- Poetry (my own and my favorite poems)
- Dream journal
- The anti-procrastination log (needless to say, this notebook didn't see much action. I'm destined to be an eternal procrastinator.)
- A list of all the different ways I can use my other notebooks
- Silly little drawings
- Serious little drawings
- Inspiration log
- Book log
- Letters I wrote to people, but never sent
- Quotes, phrases, and paragraphs that I liked from different things I've read
- A scrapbook that I was going to start, but then I ran out of money to print pictures with. So there it sits with one memory in it.

That's more than a few, but it's ok. You can never have too many ways to use a notebook. I'm at a loss right now actually because I just got a really pretty notebook that says "Paris" and has the Eiffel Tower on the cover, but I have no idea what I'm going to use it for. For the first time in my life, I can't come up with a fun way to use a notebook. This sucks. Maybe I should give it to someone who's tripping on acid and let them do what they want with it, then see what happens. That would be cool. Hopefully they wouldn't just sit there and stare at it, or better yet, wait for it to write on them. Ok, scratch that. I'll give it to a drunk person. Even if they rip it up and puke on it, at least it'll have served its purpose. Actually, that's a pretty great idea!
Drunk person + Notebook = A Plan entitled Plan A.
Homeless person + Notebook = A Plan that just hit me out of nowhere, but is still pretty damn good.

Oh paper. <3

Seth Aaron is Love.

I'm dedicating this post to the fantastic designer and Project Runway winner Seth Aaron Henderson! You ROCK! You were so fun and silly on the show and your designs were gorgeous. I want more! =)

Itch.

Bugs. Sun. Books. Itchy. Read. Green. Sun. Frustration. Scratch skin off. Rocks. Sweat. Hot. Pretty. Annoying. Pretty fucking annoying. Water. Weight. Skimpy. Heavy. Sensation. Overwhelming. Love. Hope. Maybe. Desperation. Abandonment. Dirt. Summer. Finally.

6 Impossible Things

I'm in an Alice in Wonderland mood... so here are 6 Impossible Things that I plan to make very possible indeed!

1. I will live in Ireland for a summer.
2. My writing will be published.
3. I will have an apartment in the city.
4. I will go on one of those crazy road trips that every person should experience at least once in their lives.
5. I will perform as a trained belly dancer.
6. I will speak another language fluently.

And now here are 6 things that I once thought were impossible but I've already made very much possible.

1. I will be in a relationship.
2. I'll have a tattoo.
3. I'll travel to Europe.
4. Yoga will be one of my hobbies.
5. Somewhere, an ocean will carry my message in a bottle.
6. I'll be able to do military push ups.

Faltered Reflection.

I can't find words to write (which is surprising to me), so I'll say it with a self-portrait.

I Remember.

Spring has come, and I die a little inside remembering the days when life seemed so much simpler and full of joy. "These are the best days of your life." they say. Well they lied. Looking back on my life so far, I divide my time into two categories: Before 2008 and After 2008. That's the year it all began. This freefall into the universe's black hole and my desperate struggle to climb back out and float once more amongst the stars. Those were the stars I used to go to bed with at night, when life had been kind enough to keep my faith alive. I remember those times when the sky held endless possibilities and summer lasted forever. Sadness hadn't yet disrobed for me and crawled under my covers like an oldtime lover. I could listen to a cello wail without feeling like the bow was being dragged across my heartstrings.

Now the music wails, the atmosphere wails, I wail. And I wonder if I'll ever know a love that doesn't fill me with such immense dispair. I remember how swollen my heart felt when you told me what you loved about different people, and how I fell short. I remember how much I wanted to cry - because I felt so alone and even worse, I agreed with you.

Sometimes I wish someone would take me by my shoulders, tell me to take off my stupid fucking mask, and let me cry into their arms about everything I haven't been given the chance to cry about before. I'm tired of feeling like the stray dog, the alley cat with the battered tail. Sometimes I want to lay down on the filthy New York City streets and stare up at the sky, watching clouds go by. I need a piece of pure, natural beauty to inhale me away from the dirty, rotten stink I've been sniffing for so long. I don't want to let myself become so numb to the point where falling down the stairs will feel the same as strolling through the garden.

What does it feel like to not be abandoned?

Conclusion.

I'm too young to be thinking about kids - nor do I want them anytime soon - but if and when I'm a mother I'm making a promise to myself (and my future kids) here and now that I'm going to be the best damn mother I can be. I'm not going to choke them with opression and insecurities the way I was choked. I know many of you reading this know me as the girl who wore whatever she wanted...but there's so much more to that which I never speak about. It's a river that runs deep, but I'm not getting into that here. And besides, that's not the purpose of this entry.

The point is, if I have children, I'm going to hug them and kiss them and tell them that I am so completely and fully proud of them. I'm going to encourage them to follow their dreams, love fully, and never be afraid to be themselves. I will read them stories, play a wide variety of music for them and encourage them to discover their gifts and nourish them regularly. If they want to write, I'll lead them to paper and a pen. If they're interested in astromony, I will show them the moon and the stars. If they feel like having a green mohawk, who am I to stand in their way?

I will NEVER make my children feel like their needs are second to my own, nor will I make them feel like they're my Barbie doll or my project. I will make them feel like valuable human beings who deserve the best in the world. And I will hope that they don't settle for crap.

I promise myself and I promise them that they will be loved for who they are - not for who I "want" them to be. And I will not reject them or make them feel worthless if/when they trip and fall.

Transexual, Transylvania

I woke up this morning with an intense desire to traipse around the Lower East Side in a mini dress with the British flag printed on it, a trenchcoat, 9-inch platform boots, and harlequin eye makeup.

Perhaps I will sometime this week.

My Yoga Experience

Today I went to my first yoga class ever (!) with my friend Regina. What an experience! It's a donation-based studio located in a New York City apartment building, with 2 floors devoted only to yoga. The studio Regina and I were in was completely crowded and our instructor looked like he should've been working at Hollister. I didn't get too many vibes off of him, except for the fact that he was standing right behind me staring at my ass when I was doing the Downward Dog position. (He tripped on someone's mat later in the class, which we all laughed at.)
Some of the people there were definitely interesting. The girl next to me had a mop of curly black hair under her armpits, the girl in front of my kept farting loudly (and shamelessly) everytime she bent down to touch her toes, and a girl in the front of the studio was constantly making these loud, overdramatic "AHHHHHHHHHHHH" sounds like she was so relaxed she could fall asleep while we were doing the most complicated and strenuous positions. Honestly now?!
By the end of the class, I was boiling freakin' hot and wished we were given the option to just do it in our underwear. But I really enjoyed myself and am looking forward to going again. I wonder what my next experience will be like!

There Was A Time That the Pieces Fit.

Ever since a friend introduced me to Tool's "Lateralus" album, I've been completely infatuated with their music. The lyrics and the beat especially swallow me whole. My favorite songs from the album are Schism, Reflection, and The Grudge.
Here's Schism, since it's the first song I listened to.

1940 - Submarines

I heard this song while I was at work today and I fell in love with it right after I heard the first line. It's a lot softer than my usual taste in music, such Metallica, but we all have our exceptions!

Arf!

Busy day today, the bus smelled like someone took a wicked dump, and I've gone through two boxes of tissues today from this stupid cold... But while I was out, I passed by a pet store and saw some of the cutest puppies hopping around in the window.


Aren't they precious?!

Ich Tu Dir Weh - Rammstein

I'm completely and endlessly addicted to Rammstein's new song "Ich Tu Dir Weh." It's one of those songs that makes me want to smudge my eye makeup down my face and roll around on a cobblestone floor in a dark alley....but only if the lead singer, Till Lindemann, will join me (haha). Watch this video, look at the intensity in Till's eyes (and at the light shining through his cheek piercing), and let it string a collar around your neck and take you for a walk.

Little White Dress

Look at this dress I tried on today. Isn't it cute? I really regret not buying it. It would be a great addition to my wardrobe - with different shoes, of course. ;)

The Joys of Womanhood

You know what I'll never understand? Why there's never a line for the men's bathroom, yet the line for the women's bathroom is always out the door. Is it because men simply have to unzip their fly? I'm a woman, and whether I'm pulling down my pants or lifting up my skirt, I know it's not a three hour process - 7 seconds, tops. What the hell?! This isn't the Victorian era where women have to loosen their corsets and fish through the fifty layers of their bustle skirts to get to their panties. This is modern day New York City, where women wear mini skirts even when there's a snowstorm and it's 20 degrees outside. If you can think of why the men are in and out of the bathroom in two minutes while I'm stuck tapping my foot on line for twenty minutes, please let me know!
Here's a picture of what 1/4 of the women's line at Border's looked like today. Honestly now!

Dawn of a New Era

Happy New Year everybody!
It's a new decade, new year, and a new start for me (as you can tell from my freshly revamped blog).
I had a fun, food-filled New Years Eve last night with one of my best friends, Jonathan. We were originally going to see the ball drop in Times Square (everybody has to do this at least ONCE in their life), but we decided not to go once we heard it would rain. Instead we ate our weight in honey barbeque chicken, mozzarella sticks, quesadillas, nacho chips, ice cream, and oddly enough, celery. The food was delicious and the night was lots of fun - and there's always next year for the thrill of Times Square.


And to stay with tradition, I made a few New Years Resolutions for 2010. Here they are!
- Take a belly dancing class
- Try yoga
- Go on a road trip
- Earn money in an unconventional way
- Pretend to be someone else for a day
- Take a new picture every day for a visual diary
- Create my book of poems, photos, cartoon characters, etc.
- Blog regularly

I could say things like "stop procrastinating" and blah blah, but I've said that every New Year since I was twelve, and every year I find some way to procrastinate once the clock strikes 12:01am. So instead I've decided to title myself the Master at the art of procrastination and be proud of my abilities to get an A on that 12-page paper I finished five minutes before it was due.

So I hope you all have an amazing new year filled with passion, music, and love. Make your dreams come true!